Reserve Your Monkey Heart Today, Union Station Gets A Mini-mall, And Raptors Lose A Close One

Primate cloning a success. No, we don't have cloned monkeys yet, but we do have cloned monkey stem cells, which could in turn be used to generate human-compatible monkey organs. Man, it's fun just to type the word "monkey." Monkey.

City to revamp Union Station. The plans involve teleporters, a spaceship landing port, monkeys, and geothermal power syst... What do you mean, "they're only going to build a mini-mall in the basement?" What the hell kind of news is that? Who cares about a frigging mini-mall?

Video released of RCMP tasering man to death. It's like the "don't tase me bro" video, except instead of being funny it's gruesome and horrific.

University president named as adviser to the Mulroney inquiry. David Johnston, the president of Waterloo University, has much experience in this monkey area, and will bring impartiality and integrity to a monkey process that ultimately probably won't be able to prove anything either way.

And the Raptors lost a close game last night to the Utah Jazz. Monkey. Monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey.

Photo by Woo from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.