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Fear The Squirrel, Loonie Skyrockets, And There’s A Debate Tonight
Squirrel held responsible for Wednesday morning’s downtown power outage. Unconfirmed reports have it screaming “YOUR TECHNOLOGICAL HUBRIS CANNOT STOP THE POWER OF NATURE, HUMANS,” before grabbing a loose wire and electrocuting itself.
The loonie hits 99 cents. Can you believe that? Remember when American money was, like, the equivalent of solid gold here? And now we’re poised to see the Canadian dollar be worth more than the greenback. Somebody put on some Ashanti so we can pretend it’s 2002 all over again!
Hijackers steal Missisauga’s entire supply of Moosehead. Torontoist has no joke to make here. Some things you just leave alone.
David Miller will ask city council to reinstate full service at community centres. Of course, he will also point out that the city still can’t pay for them.
Watch the provincial election debate tonight! Because nothing is as entertaining as three middle-aged white guys trying to talk over one another.
And finally, the Jays swept the Red Sox. Which is great, but given how the Red Sox are slumping these days, it’s not that big a deal.
