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news

Black Knows, Rickshaws Charge, Pennington Drives, Smog Pollutes, Trudeau Flubs, and Driveways Get Paved

By Marc Lostracco

News8May07_smog.jpg
Admiral Radler claims the Dark Lord knew about every move the Empire made. “You have failed me for the last time, Admiral,” replied the ruthless Baron Black. Cost of the Defence to date: upwards of $860,000.
Speaking of extortion, if you haven’t been shocked by exorbitant rickshaw ride prices so far, be warned that a judge has eliminated the current cap, enabling the pedicab operators to charge unsuspecting tourists whatever they wish. Moustache rides are still set at 5¢.
Effusive television personality Ty Pennington (Extreme Makeover: Home Edition) should have taken a pedicab after imbibing—he was nailed for a DWI. Pennington apologized in a statement read through a megaphone pointed at an annoyed construction crew.
We’re all gonna be driving while intoxicated with the summer smog on its way. This season, we’ve got a new 10-point Air Quality Health Index that will tell us in a more reliable and eloquent way that we love cars too much.
Justin Trudeau wasn’t particularly eloquent himself when calling for an end to separate French and English schools in New Brunswick. Stéphane Dion pulled the Dad card and pointed to the Charter of Rights, where Canadians are guaranteed minority-language education.
One thing North York residents are guaranteed of is a driveway, even if they don’t want one.
Photo by kitsch:in:sync from the Torontoist Flickr Pool.

Comments

  • Eric S. Smith

    Smog. We’re getting smog warnings at night, now. Meanwhile, you can’t not have a driveway in North York, and Greenpeace is apparently convinced that nuke plants are worse than coal.
    Nah, I don’t need to breathe. It’s optional. Why should other people be forced to be less than completely stupid just for my benefit?

  • Mike Warner

    I was at a focus group tonight that dealt with the new AQHI. They were testing out two possible names for the index: “Air Aware” and “Air Q”. Needless to say, the phrase, “The Air Aware Index is at 8,” had everyone in the group shuddering, though “Air Q” is only marginally better. Nobody understood the need for change or why a simple acronym like AQ wouldn’t work.
    As for possible slogans, look for “Take Care. Think Air” or “Be Air Aware” (they really loved the Air Aware).