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Crazy Snake Man Pleads Guilty, Railworkers Possibly to Return, and David Miller Listens To Environmentalist-Types

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Gaboon-viper-13705.jpg That guy in North York who accidentally let loose his pet giant cobra into the ducts of his semi-detached house pled guilty to mischief yesterday. He also had a poisonous viper in his bedroom and a second cobra that he accidentally left at work. How the hell do you accidentally leave a poisonous snake at work? No, seriously, how do you do that? What major malfunction do you have to have to forget about a dangerous snake that you brought to your job? He only had three snakes anyways; how do you come home, count two snakes, and not realize “hey whoops, I guess I forgot that other dangerous snake, better go get it?”
Striking CN workers willing to return to work, but CN is not actually allowing them to work. Something to remember the next time somebody complains to you about unions.
David Miller listens to environmental experts on how Toronto could be greened up. He also expressed his support for road tolls and congestion taxes. Not mentioned in the article: the mad scientist who suggested transforming the human race into killer cyborgs, thus rendering global warming irrelevant. Jane Pitfield immediately begins work on “David Miller is anti-cyborg” advertisements for next mayoral election.
Finance Minister Jim Flaherty announces that the federal budget will be delivered on March 19th. Thus guaranteeing that political pundits have three whole weeks to speculate over whether the opposition parties will vote no-confidence in the budget and trigger a spring election. Prepare to become heartily sick of such stories!
And the Bruins beat the Leafs 3-0. Maybe the Leafs could go ask Bill Gates for some help.
Image (which is a Gaboon viper, like the one the dude had) via junglewalk.com.

Comments

  • Steve

    Honey, have you seen my poisonous snake? Which one? Which one…jesus, the poisonous one, which one, good grief! Well, where did you have it last? Let’s see, I took it to work, I coulda swore I brought it home and I put it where I always put it. Did you check your’ pant’s pocket? My pant’s poc–, now whay would I leave it there? I’ve got a non-poisonous snake here in the bedroom. No, that’s not it. Sonnuvabitch, I know I had it when I came in. Didya check the car? No, let me call work and ask them if anyone has seen a poisonous snake lying around. Please, please, please….I’ll just left a message. Check the fridge. IT’S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!! Oh man, I am so dead. Shit, I always do this, why can’t I just have one spot to put my poisonous snakes?!!

  • Mark Dowling

    “Striking CN workers willing to return to work, but CN is not actually allowing them to work” according to the union rep. Funny how you didn’t add CN’s denial that that is the case and their statement that 340 union members have made themselves available to CN.