By Christopher Bird

Police watchdog groups are outraged over the revelation that Rexdale traffic cops had a system wherein officers were allowed to clock out early once they got 25 traffic tickets. Speeders, on the other hand, are furious that nobody told them about this system, the knowledge of which would have made real life re-enactments of 2 Fast 2 Furious all the simpler. (Although there still would have been the inevitable fights over who got to be Paul Walker and who got to be Tyrese Gibson, but you can’t have everything.)
In case you missed it, the Sassafraz Cafe in Yorkville burned down yesterday. Click here for Torontoist’s exclusive coverage, featuring enough burning sensations for a hundred herpes clinics!
Speaking of burnination, an oil refinery in Sarnia ALSO caught fire, but officials say the fire is under control and nobody’s been hurt and there’s no environmental danger. However, this story is not as amusing as the Sassafraz fire story on account of no stars on the CW tragically wondering where they will now buy their thirteen-dollar beet salads.
The Myriam Bedard story gets weirder as the police issue a warrant for her arrest for allegedly abducting her daughter. Remember, folks: she’s fleeing to the United States and seeking asylum from Canadian “bureaucratic terrorism.”
Queen’s Park considers giving MPPs a $22K raise. In other totally unsurprising news, puppies chase after a stick and kitties do things that are amusing when you take a picture of them and caption it as if they were people!
Finally, Vernon Wells confirms that the Jays have offered him a double-pantsload of money. Members of provincial Parliament pointed out that they only asked for an extra $22K per year, although they admitted that their RBI production is not quite as impressive.