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27 Comments

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99-Year-Old Volunteer Retires; Consumes Great-Granddaughter

By David Topping

2006_11_28cannibals.jpg
The GTA section of the paper edition of The Star today featured a rather disturbing photo, and, above the photo, an even more gruesome description:

Pauline Nelson retires as a volunteer after putting in 29 years at Baycrest centre. Samantha, 3, gives a hand in celebrating her great-gran’s contribution and 99th birthday.

We’re shocked. Shame on The Star for condoning nonagenarian intrafamilial cannibalistic sacrifice, all for the sake of a birthday.

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Comments

  • Marc Lostracco

    That finger was probably up that little girl’s nose only moments before. Eat up, grandma!
    Little children taste kinda like beef, but gamier, FYI.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/dstopping David Topping

    The Star would have you believe that it”s “icing.” I ask you, who puts icing on an infant?

  • Gloria

    Um….

  • Hate This Site

    Lamest stab at humour I’ve come across in a long, long time.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/dstopping David Topping

    And yet, here you are, “Hate This Site,” commenting. Chill out.

  • Toni

    This post is of Cal quality – Topping you can do better.

  • Marc Lostracco

    I smell denture breath.

  • rek

    Hexadecimal: “I adore children! But, I could never eat a whole one.” – ReBoot

  • Dahlia

    Has anyone else noticed that the internet, in its adolescence, been making everyone bitchy? It’s like half the stuff people do on the ‘net these days is complain and insult people. (Yeah, I’m talking to YOU, ‘Hate this site’).

  • Marc Lostracco

    People also seem to forget the difference between “blog” and “big budget mainstream media company.” Torontoist is about city esoterica that happens to catch a writer’s eye, however societally insignificant it is to current events. Like anything, just ignore the stuff that doesn’t turn your crank.
    And with that death grip, that kid isn’t going anywhere! She looks good for 99. I’ll bet by the time that little girl gets old, humans will all be living well into our hundreds (if we have any natural resources left and the air is cleaner by then).

  • jerrold

    Q: What happened to established moral philosophies and rules of ettiquette that suggested we respect others (including our elders)?
    A: The internet. First it made us all anonymous, and then incrementally insensitive. So much so that we can now be insenitive without anonymity.
    This is a lively photo of a 99 year old woman being a pround great grandmother. I say shame on you (not The Star) for being so juvenile and disrespectful for the sake of your own self-indulgence and/or pageviews.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/dstopping David Topping

    It’s just a joke, Jerrold. I bet that she’s a very nice woman. My great-grandfather lived to 105 and had a good sense of humour; he probably would’ve laughed something like this off.

  • Kate

    You want to see bitchy, watch me whack this post upside the head with some etymology…. You see, if this is actually good ol’ Pauline’s own great-granddaughter, and not a borrowed or stolen child, then the correct term would be “INTRAfamiliar sacrifice”, instead of “INTERfamiliar sacrifice,” “intra” meaning within, and “inter” meaning between. See? The internet not only makes us all mean, it makes us forget all that nice Latin we used to know.
    (Full points for “nonagenarian” though. That’s some hot vocab right there.)

  • jerrold

    I get that it’s a joke. But it’s at the expense of an old woman and a young girl. And who benefits?
    I highly doubt that the family and friends of this highly respected volunteer would find your calling the young girl a “nonagenarian interfamilial cannibalistic sacrifice” on a website read by thousands in their city very funny.
    While it may be hip in the blogosphere to criticise the mainstream media for their ineptidude in journalistic integrity, it’s not hip to make a mockery of some of our most valued volunteers and citizens.
    I’m not over-reacting or anything. I’m just calling it what it is – childish, insensitive, and disrespectful.
    My $0.02

  • kate

    woops. I mean “intrafamilial” and “interfamilial”… L’s, not R’s at the end of both words… see? the net made me lazy too.
    Now can’t we all just get along?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/dstopping David Topping

    Fixed Kate, thanks. I actually looked up the difference between intra and inter in the OED, but then…uh…never looked at the pages. Thanks very much. :)
    And Jerrold, I respect your opinion and I know where it’s coming from. This post can be construed of as mean, I agree – but it’s also just a joke, and I really hesitate to say that it’s at their “expense.” I also think that bringing what these people would hypothetically think doesn’t serve any purpose (because I, personally, would hope that the family raising that kid would have a sense of humour about a funny photo of her and great-grandmother). However, if anyone in the family objects and wants me to talk to me about it, my e-mail’s at the top of the site – and if you’d like to continue this conversation with me, Jerrold, my e-mail’s there for you too.

  • jerrold

    Sorry, David. This just isn’t the kind of humour that’s going to get any laughter or even a smirk out of me. If I say any more, I’ll simply be repeating myself.

  • Marc Lostracco

    If you wanna talk about mean, I would bet that the Star had way more flattering shots of that woman and they very intentionally chose that one because it was kinda funny-looking and they explicitly knew it looked like she was gonna swallow that little one whole. I’m sure she (and the family) is OK with that, and I would hope they would have the sense of humour to be OK with our jokes too.
    Plus, the woman was published in the country’s largest newspaper and blogs have a right to comment on something so public, and obviously in jest. It’s not like we’re publishing a paparazzi upskirt as she stepped out of a car with Britney. What?

  • rek

    You know what’s really awesome? Being offended on the behalf of other people.

  • jerrold

    I’m not terribly offended, even though I do find it shows a lack of tact. Feel free to carry on laughing and at the geriatric lady eating a baby with denture breath. :P

  • jerrold

    edit: geriatric lady with denture breath eating a baby

  • Gloria

    I dunno, I found this light-hearted. I didn’t think it was mean.
    Also, Kate? YES. Thank you!

  • Marc Lostracco

    I still love ya, Jerrold! Old ladies really love you now. If I ever have denture breath someday, I hope somebody tells me. I’m banking on technology and science being advanced enough to either preserve the teeth I have now or grow some new ones, though.

  • Karen

    WHINERS!

  • Serge

    Oh, Jerrold’s not alone. I love this site, but mean jokes suck. And, Marc, lighten up — he was aiming it at what you said, not who you are, Marc, so huffy time is over … !

  • Chester Pape

    I’m with Jerrold, there’s insufficient media commentary (or actual humour) here to justify the end result, a suggestion (and yes I understand that it’s tongue in cheek) that some innocent individual is a cannibal. You want to do media criticism, then do media criticism, you want to do humour, go ahead but you can do better than this, this is just sad.

  • http://thehellitcant.blogspot.com Steve

    Thirty Helens agree…Childrens is delicious!
    It’s a joke people. Good Grief.
    “Lighten up, Francis”