November 17, 2006
Etiquette Citations We'd Like To See
Sharing public spaces with millions of other people takes work. Most of the time, it's no biggie for the seasoned city resident, but every now and then a serious etiquette violation can upset the balance.
Many civic etiquette offenses may be genuinely innocent. The amount of people who ride their bikes on the sidewalk indicates that many casual cyclists don't realize that it's not only illegal, but it's frustrating for pedestrians.
Other lapses in etiquette are simply a result of selfishness. Not using your turn signal while zipping back and forth across the Gardiner is making the assumption that others will adapt to your driving. Rushing the doors of a streetcar before the twenty people in line ahead of you is borderline sociopathic behaviour, even if it does get you a seat.
Normally, we fire-up the ol' mental death ray to obliterate these offenders in our imaginations, vaporizing them where they stand, hopefully in a flash of extreme agony. In our fantasies, these etiquette offenders are penalized for their offenses to the maximum extent, but what if we could issue bad behaviour citations like parking tickets?
Continue reading to see how Torontoist imagines these tickets would look like. We've also linked to PDF versions of them to download in case our readers actually want to drop a hint to someone on their own.
Download Parking Etiquette PDF
Download Entertainment District Etiquette PDF
Download Transit Etiquette PDF
Download Personal Hygiene Etiquette PDF
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Haha, niiiiiiice.
I already observed a few of these on the way to work this morning.
Great idea, needs a little tuning though
Have you seen the glackware "urban asshole" cards?
http://www.glarkware.com/securestore/c181844p16370773.2.html
Ha! Those urban asshole cards are awesome. I'm also working on a post of "Public Signs We'd Like To See", some of which are along similar lines.
you guys should honestly manufacture and sell those. the problem with the urban asshole cards is that they're a) too broad and b) from the states. i don't want to pay $7.50 US to call somebody an asshole, it's easiest to write it in big letters with soap on their windshield. (ie. USE A PARKING SPOT JERK-OFF)
how i would love to do that in the parking lot at my work. there's hundreds of spots, but at least 10 cars a day that ignore them and park in no parking zones.
Smegma?
Oh dear.
Genius!
Dave: Print-out the yellow parking etiquette infraction PDF and put them on the cars at work...and take pictures and send them to us! It would be funny to watch people read them on hidden camera. Public shaming is the lick!
here's a funny story: i was supervising a focus group in montreal last week, where we asked people how they addressed their social/community concerns - one of the women spoke about printing up fake parking tickets and putting them on the windshields of hummers around the city! perfect, i thought, and went online in search of said tickets... but to no avail. YOUR tickets come at the perfect time.
(while i didn't find fake parking tickets to put on hummers, i did stumble across this site, which you might find amusing.)
thanks!
ashley
Oh, and you definitely need to expand the TTC ticket ... I can think of two things right away:
1. Having your money ready before you go through the collector booth. Having an entire line of angry people won't help you find that nickel any faster.
2. Standing left when the sign CLEARLY asks you to stand right. Even by just watching other people, the system is dead obvious.
PS Does anyone know where these Metropass vending machines exist? DO they exist? I'm surprised the TTC expects people to trust almost $100 to machines when token machines constantly eat our money.
Extra TTC violation:
Pretending to look anywhere but up while failing to give up your seat to the: Elderly, Disabled, Pregnant
Fuck you and your need to put others down to make yourself feel better. Isn't knowing that you're the best enough? You're not the boss of me. I don't need you and your fancy friends judging me.
Let's create a citation just for Slacker Joe, so we can have our judgement of him in print.
You forgot one on one of those:
Smoking in busy public space. Like on Tuesday I went to see Stranger than Fiction and there was a woman smoking in the line.
Narsty.
Even worse is people smoking cigars and pipes on the sidewalk.
1)Spitting.
2)Cigarette butt flickers.
Disgusting.
1. Karen: I thought the exact same thing (as usual!)
2. The TTC Vending Machines are in abundance in Eglinton Station (there were 2 new ones this morning to add to the original one!)
3. The TTC one should include: "Walking down the stairs really slowly with your bags blocking anyone from passing you when a train is on the platform simply because you think that you're uncapable of making it before the doors closed. WELL I'M NOT!!"
Thanks, Paige! (And re: your #3: OMG YES!)
I agree with all of the new ones. Spitting is incredibly disgusting ... less smelly than smoking only for the fact it doesn't fly in my face (thank God), but the additional visual AND audio definitely puts it up there on the Gross-o-meter.
I also have to wonder why I see more and more young men and women do it. It used to be almost exclusive to elderly and/or Asian, since it's an acceptable practise in some of its parts. Why, young people? Forcing glimpses of your underwear (boxers OR bunched-up thong) on me wasn't enough?
A couple more:
1. TURN OFF YOUR GOD DAMN CELLPHONE YOU SELF-IMPORTANT TWIT.
a. Hey, have your cellphone conversation somewhere that isn't the streetcar.
b. Switch to vibrate, yr ringtone is annoying.
2. Don't swear in front of really young children.
"Picking ear with key"? Ugh. That has never crossed my mind and thankfully I have never seen such.
I picked up a similar ticket at the Eco-Fair held at the beginning of the month. It reads:
"VEHICLE INFRACTION
This form of transport incurs economic costs on the city which have not been included in the retail price. Your operation of this vehicle makes you personally liable for the follwoing:
Climate Change
Time wasted in gridlock
Smog-related health problems
...
IF YOU DISPUTE THIS FINE THE TRIAL WILL BE IN YOUR OWN CONSCIENCE"
among other things. I don't know who prints them though.
Believe it or not, I've seen people picking their ear wax with keys a bunch of times. Nasty! Something sharp and ragged and metal like that isn't going anywhere near my ears! You're not even supposed to stick Q-Tips into your ear canal.
My doctor says failing some kind of specialized liquid for dissolving ear wax, you should use olive oil. It's supposed to work like a charm. It's been used as a bathing oil, as a moisturizer, as lamp fuel, as cooking oil, as lubricant ... is there anything olive oil can't do? Damn.
The only thing about olive oil to be careful of is that it's not rancid and that you rinse it out in warm water in a timely manner (i.e. shower) so it doesn't retain bacteria. The same goes for petroleum jelly. But Q-Tips are a no-no in the canal and your ears are supposed to be self-cleaning. A lot of wax pluggage and ear problems come from Q-Tip use in the first place.
I think kids should be sworn at (or in front of) at every opportunity. It's ridiculous that certain words describing bodily functions are taboo, and trying to protect kids (from words!) only makes the words more attractive.
I would add a special fine for people who test/change/sample their ringtones in public.
I was in a crowded place once and said a very mild swear word (I think it was "goddamn") and there happened to be a little girl sitting near me. I am very careful about not saying inappropriate things around kids, but I didn't see her, and nonetheless, it wasn't loudly and it was in a conversation I was having with someone else.
Anyway, her father heard me and went apeshit on me, screaming at the top of his lungs that I had sworn around his daughter. I was totally taken aback and I kept saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" and he just got worse and worse. The whole entire place had fallen silent as everyone stared at him yelling at me, while his little daughter started to cry, traumatized at this guy screaming at a total stranger.
Wow. Now who's the one who set the bad example for the little girl? That household must be a laugh and a half.
"Goddamn" is fine. That's so benign compared to what I hear coming out of most mouths (adults' AND kids'). But I draw a line against harsher ones like "motherfucker" (a personal favourite, unfortunately, so I have to suppress it often). Even "shit" made me wince once I realized there were small children and their mothers about. I was quite embarrassed.
Yes, part of it has to do with "protecting" the "innocence" of children. But part of it is a kind of respect. I wouldn't swear needlessly in front of a teacher, a judge, or even more aptly, my grandmother. The same goes for young children.
If I really had to swear, in order to demonstrate some kind of intense emotion, I'd probably do it. But I'd take the time later to explain why. It's too hard to justify unseemly habits to a child when I'm already struggling to instill good ones in him or her.
(Am I appearing too often? I'm writing an essay ... so I'm taking lots of "breaks.")
It's just a matter of class, etiquette, and respectfulness not to run a foul mouth in uncertain company or in the company of strangers. Bottom line. There's a time and place for it.
While I think bleeping "god" out of "goddamn" on a TV show or printing "sh*t" silly (since everyone knows exactly what was said and it's protecting nobody), there's no pride in basic rudeness -- despite apparent evidence to the contrary.
I don't find it rude, and I don't see why anyone should feel proud (or shame) about swearing.
Where does one draw the line in showing respect to what you assume parents don't want their kids exposed to? Immodest dress? Public displays of affection? Stereotypical homosexual behaviour? Somehow I doubt anyone here would give those things a second thought, and would probably be offended themselves if confronted on those grounds, so why is swearing special?
Uh, you're kinda taking it to an extreme. I don't mind if a woman is dressed sexily, but with taste. Or a peck on the cheek or a deeply affectionate kiss. I don't even know what you mean by "stereotypical homosexual behaviour."
But the fact is, the extreme of these things -- someone dressed like a whore, grinding with their partner on a streetcar, excessively swearing -- make me uncomfortable regardless of whether children are around. It's just not something you do in public because it's beyond the boundaries of decorum.
But hey, if you want to do it, I probably wouldn't stop you. I'd just walk away or look out the window.
I think you're the one taking it to the extreme. I didn't say "dressing like a whore" or "grinding" and nobody said "excessive swearing". My point was that it's subjective, and swearing shouldn't be a special case.
You said swearing isn't rude. I agree "goddamn" isn't in all instances, but would "motherfucker" be? I think so, in most cases. From what you wrote, I drew the conclusion that you wouldn't, that you believed that swearing should be ok in all circumstances. If I'm wrong, then I apologize.
hah! as a long islander, i especially dig the tri-state guido styling! :D
Tri-state guido styling is an northeastern American phenomenon that has made its nefarious ways into the suburbs of Woodbridge as well as the weekend club district. Celebrity Jersey guidos are the Gotti-Agnello brothers (Growing Up Gotti). For those who aren't familiar with what I'm talking about: behold.
How about
1 - miraculously not noticing that your child is:
a) screaming their head off
b) kicking my seat
c) about to kill themselves on some road/object/climbing adventure
or 2 - screaming at, hitting, or demeaning your child in front of me in a grocery store/subway car/line-up...
and is their a ticket that i can give to my neighbor who waters his paved front and back yard every day? or to my downstairs neighbor who's cat stinks up our shared foyer?...
Speaking of sheltering children- this synagogue went to extreme measures to do so.
Really now, your son isn't going to see a less clothed woman featured on the Parasuco billboard around the corner of the Yetev Lev?
Good stuff... how about including, in the transit etiquette section:
- Sneezing, coughing or yawning and not covering mouth (with hand or other accessory)
- Listening to music at extreme volume
That kind of stuff always makes me clear my throat or shake my head.