By Ted Healey, Resident Queer

This Torontoist was walking down Church Street and passed by The Stag Shoppe, the gay village’s latest sex paraphernalia shoppe. Outside, huddled in the corner of the doorway is Bob, a husband of an old co-worker back from our bar-working days. He’s all of 5 foot nuthin’, 100lbs wet with overgrown My Name is Earl facial hair styling. If you passed him on the street, you’d think him a pocket biker, not someone who sells lube and lacey black panties.
“We got the new toys in!” He gleefully calls to us as we pass, like some billboard come to life.
“Uh. Like… Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots?”
“Nope. One is 35lbs big!”
Lifesize Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots with rubber gloves on? we ask ourselves. “Just in time for Christmas!” we reply and walk on, wondering what sex toy could weigh 35lbs and what in god’s name would you do with it…?