With the signing of AJ Burnett (pictured with Florida singer Brandy Rich) and BJ Ryan, the Toronto Blue Jays will pay $102 million to two pitchers who use letters as first names. (No offense to Torontoist blogger JK Nestruck.) Letters they want, letters they’ll get. Here’s the ABC’s of the Jay’s off-season thus far:
A – Bobby Abreu, a Phillies slug-meister the Jays have been interested in.
B – BJ Ryan, the second BJ on the team. (That’s BJ Birdie, not whatever else you’re thinking.)
C – Corey Koskie, the All-Canadian heartthrob that kinda stinks.
D – Don’t worry about money, because it’s all from Rogers now.
E – Kelvim Escobar – can we sign this guy?
F – Remember when two people were f-ing in the Skydome Hotel during a Jays game? Then they put it on the Jumbotron.
G – Nomar Garciaparra, who will perhaps be a Jay.
H – Hudson, Orlando. Might be on the mooooove.
J – JP Ricardi, the head office initials of the Blue Jays, was re-signed.
L – Lyle Overbay may be the next pick-up, from the Milwaukee Brewers.
M – Moneyball
N – New York Yankees, anyone?
O – Outfielder Re-ed Johnson, re-signed.
P – Player to be named later in trade with Oakland.
R – As in Brandy Rich, pictured.
S – Shea Hillenbrand talks a lot.
T – Toronto Star readers have lots of opinions.
U – U gotta be kidding, says Sports Illustrated of the Jays.
V – Vernon Wells might get traded too.
W – What would Pat Gillick do?
X – Xenophobe. And X-Blue Jay Johnny Olerud retires.
Y – Youppi, the old Expo’s mascot.
Z – Zut alor!…missing a lot of letters here.